Review: Enlightened ‘All I Ever Wanted’ – It’s Been Awhile

In the beginning of ‘All I Ever Wanted’, Amy’s happiness is catapulting her self-delusions to new heights. She tells her mother she’s manifested the life she’s always wanted, taking down corporate big wigs with her super journalist boyfriend Jeff. She talks about a new, simpler love, wondering “can you make a heaven in this new life?”

As always, Amy’s in a dream world, jumping to conclusions in her desperate chase for happiness. But the cracks in her dream heaven slowly start to seep in as the episode continues, starting when Tyler expresses his trepidations about using the information they stole from Eileen when Tyler was on her computer, bonding with her over music. Amy brushes it off, too busy wrapped up in her dream world of Jeff and his Pulizter – which makes the moment when reality comes crashing through her glass house a few minutes later so much more powerful.

Exactly halfway through the episode, Levi appears at the Jellicoe’s door (using the bell this time, not his foot). He’s returned from Hawaii early, and certainly plays the part of a new man. But like Amy, Levi’s dreams are just that right: dreams, without all the encumbrances of the past and complications of life they both are avoiding. He brings Amy to a baseball field (his equivalent of the field of dreams), and says every word Amy’s been waiting to hear out of his mouth for 25 years, how he’s done with the bullshit, and wants to start a new chapter of his life with her. “I can do this,” he tells her, “but I need you.”

She doesn’t quite want to believe it – until Levi mentions having a child, a callback to the devastating emotions and event from season one’s ‘The Weekend’. Levi pleads with her “It’s not too late”, and for a second, we can see Amy question everything she’s believed for the past week (Jeff reveals to her during dinner that he’s never really wanted kids, the first sign of trouble that Amy can’t see from Cloud 9). Laura Dern’s terrific through the episode (especially her face when she opens the door and sees Levi), but the time we spend with her as she walks back from the park to her house alone is amazing. There’s so much struggle, so much anxiety that Amy is bottling in when she’s trying to decide between the life she thinks she wants, and the life she’s always wanted.

The episode ends with Jeff and Amy driving off to dinner in front of Levi, who himself was walking back from the park after watching the sunset (when he said that, we all saw Amy’s heart swoon). He sees them together, and he immediately understands why Amy was so retracted during their conversation. It completes the episode’s journey: what started out bright and sunny just a few scenes before, has become somber and barely lit.

For the first time in her life, Amy’s positioned to have everything she ever desired – prestige, famous boyfriend, Levi, a mom who is there for her (comforting her during her panic attack). Creating Amy’s heaven has put her in a position to hurt both Tyler, Levi and/or Jeff in very damaging ways. She’s unwilling to realize a simple truth Levi’s willing: if we create a heaven during life, there’s got to be a hell to create balance. For him, those are one and the same (reinforcing his revelations at the end of ‘Higher Power’): all he’s ever wanted is Amy.

Grade: A

Other thoughts/observations:

– Dougie is on fire in his one scene, first celebrating with Amy by exclaiming “fuckin’ tits!” and then announcing that everyone can “kiss his black ass.”

– Helen’s comment about Amy needing a haircut is a classic ferocious mother/daughter exchange.

– Amy seriously compares her and Jeff to a poster of Yoko Ono and John Lennon hanging in Jeff’s bedroom. Such a perfect little character beat.