Season premiere review: Game of Thrones ‘Valar Dohaeris’ – It’s Not Slander If It’s True

Game of Thrones is back… but predictably, not much is happening in our first look at Westeros this year. ‘Valar Dohaeris’ has a lot to show us, and only so many minutes to do it in, so it’s a predictably jumpy episode, moving from location to location to check in on characters, move a couple pieces forward, and generally welcome everyone back into the world with gentle reminders of last season’s events.

I don’t want to comment on every story line, but I do have some thoughts about most things happening in the episode. For the sake of time, this week’s review is going to come in bullet form:

• we open where we closed, beyond the Wall with Samwell running away from the White Walkers, who are chopping people’s heads off and leaving them laying in the snow. He meets up with the rest of the Night’s Watch, and gets yelled at for not sending out any ravens. In other words, they’re up ice-shit creek with nary a paddle at the moment.
• There are two minor arcs that are somewhat rushed in this episode: Jon Snow’s defection to Mance Raider, and Davos’s imprisonment at the hand of Stannis and Melisandre. They both feel a bit cut short, getting to the final definitive shot of the sequences, without really getting into enough detail about how they got there.
• Tyrion can’t get any love from his father, who is in his office writing some sort of letter. We see him put the family seal on it, but we aren’t privy to its contents. Is it important? I don’t know, but he certainly seemed focused on writing it.
• Bronn’s a knight now, and therefore expects to be paid as such. Just another thorn in the side of Tyrion, whose dealing with hateful family members, painful scars on his face, and the overwhelming need to look over his shoulder at every turn.
• Littlefinger’s planning on taking a trip, and plans to bring the still-naive Sansa along with him. Roz warns against this however, a clear sign that her loyalties lie with the Spider these days.
• Tywin mentions “fear of an open rebellion.” I’d assume this is always part of life as the King’s Head, living in a world where people are always playing some kind of political game with the realm.
• Stannis is at Dragonstone, burning people alive for a woman who’s not even his wife. Whatever she’s showing him in the fire must be real nice looking.
• The dynamic between Cersei, Joffrey, and Margery is the highlight of the episode. Cersei’s not only jealous of the attention and respect Joffrey’s showing him, but also is openly suscpicious about her charitable behavior. There were major hints last season that Margery is more than meets the eye, so Cersei may want to be careful about whose cleavage she’s insulting in the near future.
• Robb and Catelyn didn’t show up in Winterfell, correct? What burned down, murdered town did they arrive in?
• A premiere without Arya is just unsatisfying, in my book.
• Barriston Selmy returns for the first time since late in season one, arriving just as Daenerys is considering buying eunuch soldiers so loyal, they’ll thank you for cutting their nipples off with a knife. Astapor trains some seriously dedicated military ‘men’. The big question here appears to be simple: how is she going to pay for them? And what the fuck was that thing parading around as a little girl, trying to murder Daenerys?
• Cersei takes a veiled shot at her son: “We can’t all have a King’s bravery.” He’s so afraid of the public he rides around town in his little kingly box, opening slots to see outside when the need arises.
• the Dothraki’s first experience on the ocean is not a very pleasant one.

All in all, I thought it was a decent episode, a solid opening considering the tall task it was handed of reintroducing and establishing the various characters in Westeros, taking baby steps forward and suggesting stories to come, instead of diving in head-first from the word go. A smart move, but with only 10 episodes a season, we’re all clamoring for them to get to the point, and shove as much material into 10 hours as possible.

Grade: B

Other thoughts/observations:

– just one note: I’m going to keep the reviews as spoiler-free as possible: I’ve only read the first two books myself. Please don’t be an asshole by leaving spoiler-laden comments; you rob everyone of the joy you experienced reading it for the first time.