Game of Thrones ‘Garden of Bones’: Nobody’s Shaking Hands

When there’s war going on in every end of the world, everybody is choosing sides, be it friends, neighbors – or in the case of the two remaining Baratheon men, brothers. With all in Westeros throwing up a banner, declaring some kind of fealty to one of the many kings, and sacrificing to their religious entity of choice, finding a common ground is a hard thing to come by. If there was a common theme to  the grisly hour of ‘Garden of Bones’, its that negotiation is hard to come by in times like these.

(and in the case of that fisherman’s son, even a successful negotiation sometimes means losing a foot, hardly a win-win situation).

Taking a week off from the disconnected, currently stagnant world of The Wall brought some energy to ‘Garden of Bones’, and brought with a whole lot of uncomfortable scenes, moving chess pieces around the board while breathing some life into the plot lines that have been a bit slow in the early going. Even Daeneyrs got to move things along a little bit, finally finding a temporary spot to gather herself in the weird, closed-off world of Qarth.

As usual, she’s ready to fly off the handle as soon as someone questions her authority, or tries to impede on her path. She gets bailed out by a sympathetic member of the 13, but it’s clear Blondie really needs to work on her ability to compromise moving forward, or she’s going to be out on her ass back in the desert, wishing she had some chapstick again. However, I suppose you can afford to be a bit brash when you’re holding three dragon aces in your hand, even when you’re on your last legs.

Speaking of blond haired spitfires, we’ve got bitchy Joffrey displaying his affection for sadism with his treatment of Sansa, and the horror he puts Roz and that poor (and most likely now deceased) whore Roz taught to moan well. My vote for most disturbing moment of the week goes to any close-up of the king’s sniveling face and beady-eyes, though it’s very clear when it comes to dealing with men, Joffrey is easily intimidated, and is only alive and full of swagger because he’s protected by some big walls.

Tyrion of course, sees right through him, and continues to impress with his chess skills, as he moves Lancel (Cersei’s other fuck buddy from the family reunion) squarely into his pocket with a well-executed display of wit and knowledge. If there’s one Lannister that will be able to keep himself alive, it’s certainly not going to be nutless Joffrey or the painfully naive Cersei.

Renly’s naivety also continues to be a theme in this season: he doesn’t realize the hornet’s nest he’s walking into with his brother, and simply assumes the biggest number of soldiers wins the war. Then again, if that decided wars, mathematics would be kings, right? If his lack of respect for whatever Melisandre shoved out her vagina isn’t a bad enough omen, the gay rumors are all over Westeros, and the man who demands respect from all in the realm is being snickered about before he’s even at King’s Landing, and that’s never a good sign.

Other characters were in negotiations for their lives in ‘Garden of Bones’, to varying degrees of success: some of those in Arya’s band of misfits didn’t do so well in those, but this is a reminder to the audience: war is cruel, and sometimes people die for no reason at all, whether they want to or not. The lost factor in the play for power is what happens to the little people living in the shadows of the castles, and a number of scenes touch upon this idea without attempting to be too preachy or sympathetic, but still reinforcing the grim, unfiltered realities of medieval warfare.

I’m glossing over a few plot lines – most notably, Robb Stark and the Catelyn/Baelish scene), but ‘Garden of Bones’ was quite a busy episode, finally beginning to pick up the pace (as it did around this time in the first season), and letting the actors run wild with their majestic stylings and unique personalities. Part of the joy of Game of Thrones is the guarantee of great acting talent in each and every scene, and I’ve never been more entertained by a show with so many scenes of discussion and collective bargaining.

Grade: B+

Other thoughts/observations:

– for the first time, we’re getting to see Littlefinger play at his games, where most of it was left blind to our eyes last season (as the point of view for most of the goings at King’s Landing was by way of Ned’s tunnel vision). Very interesting to watch him weasel around, staying practical rather than loyal, and still being able to keep his head on his shoulders through it all. I just wish he would’ve brought Varys with him: I’d watch a whole episode of those two traveling down the Kingsroad, talking about gashes.

– Getting the shaft this week: Bran and the problems at Winterfell, and the Greyjoys, who are about to do some pillaging on their way to the doorstep of the Stark land.

– they didn’t get into it much this week, but Harenhall is the cursed castle stormed upon by the Targaryen dragons. Good luck with that,  Tywin. At least he’ll have Arya pouring drinks to ease the pain at night. By the way, anyone think Tywin won’t find out by the end of the season that she’s a Stark?

– no Varys at all this week… probably off helping Pycelle trim his beard in the old dungeons.

– The nurse who called out Robb for being too short-sighted was another great example of why a woman should end up running the realm when its all said and done: they think shit out in ways Westeros men can’t even begin to approach sometimes.

What did you think of ‘Garden of Bones’? Anyone know where to order Joffrey’s crossbow from? Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments below!