Stranger Things 5 Episode 7 Review – “Chapter Seven: The Bridge”

After the cascade of emotional reveals of “Chapter Six: Escape from Camazotz”, all that’s really left for Stranger Things 5 to do is get ready for the final showdown between Vecna and the tightest ol’ band of misfits and parents in Hawkins – and as one might expect, it takes every single second of the episode’s 66-minute running time to get its pieces into place. It’s too bad the episode centers itself on the most unnecessary, overwrought coming out scene in modern television history – because when it isn’t pushing towards Will’s inevitable ‘reveal’, “The Bridge” is, generally speaking, a pretty solid – if unexpectedly muted – way to prepare for the Stranger Things series finale.

Let’s just get it out of the way; Will’s coming out speech, which he delivers to basically the entire cast as a precursor to the final showdown with Vecna, is an integral thematic part of the series. After all, as Will has described it for a few episodes, the evil within Hawkins has preyed on the darkest secrets and shames of the children within its grasp; by putting that secret out to everyone at once, it removes Vecna’s deepest seed of power within Will, freeing him to finally fight as his true self and finally start to live his life.

It’s a great notion, and one that offers Stranger Things a welcomely calm moment of resolution before heading into a dangerous showdown with Vecna (and the Mind Flayer?) – unfortunately, it is boorish, indulgent nonsense, and the moment where Stranger Things fully abandons its own preciously-maintained reality. Let’s face it, the things awaiting a young, gay Will in the world outside of Hawkins is not a kind one in 1987, something this show has alluded to with Robin through the seasons (I mean, she’s told three people she’s gay at this point) but completely abandons when it’s time for Will to ascend to his truest form, patting itself on the back with a scene that doesn’t feel unearned, but feels wholly unnecessary and incredibly pandering at the same time.

(it also doesn’t help that once again, it reduces Noah Schnapp’s performance to whimpering and crying, which is really, really not the actor’s strength. After a bit of a revival in “Escape from Camazotz”, the performance unfortunately returns to its unremarkable, redundant form).

It just wasn’t necessary for the show to drag this “reveal” out for forty episodes; instead of making Will’s acceptance of himself an important arc throughout the series, it is inserted into the story not only at the precipice of its dramatic climax (killing the momentum of the episode as it built towards everyone preparing to climb ‘the bridge’ by having everyone stand around while he monologues for five minutes), but as the centerpiece of it all, the final motivating piece to put Stranger Things on the path to its final destination, before its finally sent off to streaming Valhalla after “Chapter Eight: The Rightside Up”. The moment is saccharine and self-serving, underwhelming in both its delivery and the significance it is given in a critical moment of the show’s narrative – which just proves its own point that while it was something it could’ve certainly delved into further throughout the series (instead of just hinting at it in the first few episodes and dropping it until season four), rather than holding it up as some moment of righteousness in the show’s eleventh hour.

It’s a shame, because the rest of “The Bridge” does a fairly good job doing the heavy lifting of putting every piece in place before the two hour-plus series finale. “The Bridge” was always going to be an unorthodox hour, as it had to quickly pull its many, many threads of story together – which it does pretty quickly, by converging just about everyone at the radio station pretty expediently in the first half of the episode. And it does so by leaving just a bit of space for some emotional moments; Lucas and Max’s reunion, Steve and Dustin making up (a second time, but who’s counting), and Holly’s unsettling almost-escape from The Abyss all give “The Bridge” strong anchors to tether itself to, even as most of the episode features characters loading backpacks, theorizing about wormholes, or standing around while Will cries and talks about how he likes girls, but just not that way.

It does just enough, and keeps everything moving just enough, that it is mostly able to avoid drawing too much attention to its own plot holes and flailing elements (remember when Joyce and Hopper’s romance was something this show spent an entire season on? They are the most unexciting couple in the history of television) as it prepares for the end. And while it makes for a lot of frustrating shortcuts and obfuscations (what about that suitcase young Henry found, for example), one can almost appreciate how focused the first two-thirds of the episode is in preparing for the end, less concerned with answering every single hanging plot thread and more about putting its characters in the right place what will hopefully be a poignant, fearless final hour.

This doesn’t make it a satisfying, or memorable episode of the series – in fact, its bullheaded workmanship limits the ability of characters like Hopper and Joyce to have any kind of emotional impact on the narrative (again – remember when Joyce was the very heart of this series?), and makes some of its faults even more flagrantly obvious. Like Kali, who spends most of the episode just hanging around in the background of every scene, making clear how pointless it is to have her in the narrative as an eleventh-hour secondary antagonist (I’m fully on board with Hopper on this one; this girl’s suicidal bullshit is going to cause issues), or Derek’s thoroughly unconvincing turn back to the Dark Side (seriously – now he’s going to be scared by the fake images of his dead parents? C’mon dude).

But for all of its faults, “The Bridge” does exactly what it needs to do: build a path out of season five’s overcomplicated, multilayered narrative, and streamline it into one singular event – which begins in the episode’s closing moments, when the good guys (and Kali, haha) prepare to climb between dimensions, and Henry sits his 12 vessels down in his memory palace to enact his plan to merge the real world and the Abyss together (creating the ultimate Cum Dimension, I can only presume?). For better or worse, “The Bridge” gets itself where it needs to go – and now, all that’s left is to see how it finally ends.

Grade: C+

Other thoughts/observations:

• boy, I hope someone goes back and edits out the incredibly obvious shot of Holly’s Under Armour logo peeking out from under her costume in the opening scene. And look, making TV is not easy – but it is kind of embarrassing a series with this kind of budget would miss such an obvious error in post-production.
  
• The series finale to Stranger Things is inevitably going to disappoint, as it just has too much to do in two hours – like any long running, popular series with a deep mythology, has too many open doors and unanswered questions. However, if it can deliver an emotional finale that remembers the heart of its characters and earlier seasons, there’s no reason to think this is going to be “The Iron Throne” or something – or even something divisive and allegoric like the LOST finale, because I just don’t think the Duffer Brothers have the balls to do something so challenging and divisive.
  
• Shout out to Karen Wheeler, who has had precisely three scenes all season, and killed in all of them.
  
• Next time Jonathan tries to push Nancy behind him to protect her, she should seriously kick him in the nuts. It’s every five minutes with this guy!
  
• Vecna can just pull people from the sky in the wormhole? Sure, why not!
  
• Will forcing Joyce to confront the truth about his weakness as a child > Will whimpering as he comes out to the entire cast so everyone can have a Feel Good Moment.
  
• uhhh… so Nancy and Hopper just shot a bunch of military dudes with assault rifles? Well!
  
• Spore rumors – remain unconfirmed! Vickie asks Robin whether its safe to breath the air of the Upside Down, to which she replies “Unknown!”.
  
• Lucas playing the belch sound effect for Max is a nice throwback to their dynamic in seasons two and three.
  
• Does ANYONE care about Mike and El’s relationship? Ok, didn’t think so, just checking.
  
• Hopper’s “Jesus Christ” when Mr. Clarke makes a D&D reference is great.
  
• Ok, Murray we get it – you like to call Mr. Clarke Snookums. His character is just purely annoying this season.
  
• Why do Kali and Eleven need to talk in the Void? If they both run on “batteries”, this seems like a dumb idea to do right before you leave your food supplies in another frickin’ dimension.
  
• I thought Will was going to launch into a rendition of “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” as he recapped his entire childhood to everyone in the room. It is a song from 1987, so it would be a perfectly acceptable reference!
  
• Apperciate Henry lighting candles before he starts his dimension-bending seance. If you don’t set the mood, what’s the point?
  
• For the record, I’m with Robin – The Replacements > Butthole Surfers any day of the week.
  
• Steve is good at Duck Hunt, of course. Can he shoot an actual gun? We’ll find out soon enough!
  
• The editing around stunts on this show continue to be terrible – see the awkward triple cut as Holly “falls” from Vecna’s little sucking pod.
  
• Finale review will publish Wednesday night! You can follow on X, Facebook, Bluesky, Tumblr – or via email using the handy subscribe button in the right hand column of the page.