(Editor’s note: Seasons 1 and 2 were reviewed under an earlier editorial standard and format. They’ll be revisited in the Second Look Remastered series, running January – June 2027. Subscribe to Processed Media (it’s free!) so you don’t miss the updates.)
Fact: this was the most-watched episode of Friends in its run. Yes, even more people watched this episode live than watched the series finale eight years later. And it’s a hard episode to watch, because it seems to serve one singular purpose: show how crazy women are!!!
It begins with guest star Brooke Shields, a ‘hot stalker’ who is obsessed with Joey’s Dr. Drake Ramoray character on Days of our Lives. So what does Joey do? Has sex with her, even though he knows she’s mentally unstable – and while he’s doing it, continues to lie to her about who he is! Not only is none of it amusing, but it shows how ignorant American culture was to mental instability in the mid-1990’s when this aired. It’s an insensitive portrayal of a disturbed woman, with every character on the show feeding her into it more (they send her off to Salem, Massachusetts to go find the real Drake, for fuck’s sake!).
In another corner of the Friends world, Monica and Rachel are fighting over who gets to date Jean-Claude Van Damme. That’s right – their entire arc in the episode is to show Monica’s jealousy at the guys who want to date Rachel over her, with multiple cat fights between them as they undermine each other at every turn. After Monica BEGS Rachel to set her up on a date, she does, telling JCVD that she wanted to have a threesome with her and Drew Barrymore (JCVD warns Monica: “Drew has very strict ground rules”). Hey, look at how crazy we get over a hot man!
It’s actually offensive to both sexes: the women are shown to be psychotic over the mere whiff of an attractive, wealthy man – and the man in between them is presented as insensitive, misogynistic, and not much more than a talking, walking dick with a face. Part of this is because JCVD can emote about as well as a dead fish can (his small handful of line readings are so awful, it’s almost breath-taking), but it’s also because there are so many gender stereotypes (on both sides of the aisle) being gleefully inserted by the writers of the episode.
Rounding out the Trident of Psychotic Menstruation in “The One After the Super Bowl” is Julia Roberts, who I’d argue is one of the most overrated actresses in Hollywood. This role certainly doesn’t do anything to change my mind, a paper-thin sociopath who seduces Chandler just to get back at him for something he did in the fourth grade. By gods, is this sub-plot stupid: it’s really just a lot of Julia Roberts making “hot” faces (moments she plays so hard, it comes across as unintentional parody) and Chandler being awkward, which is funny, but mostly ineffective when it’s all in service of a childhood moment nobody would ever, ever still be holding a grudge on two decades later. Kids get over that shit – and it makes Robert’s character even more crazy than Monica and Rachel in the episode – leaving Phoebe as the sanest female in the room, showing just how ridiculous this episode is.
If all these ludicrous female portrayals weren’t enough, “The One After the Super Bowl” is topped off with the return of Marcel, Ross’s monkey. It takes the entire first part to get to the fact that Marcel is now a movie star, in NY to film Outbreak 2. Did we need this whole “Ross and Marcel moving on” plot? I don’t really see what purpose it serves, except to make more unnecessary, laughless jokes personifying Marcel. Why they felt the need to bring Marcel back, I’ll never understand – and I understand less the way they decide to it, trying to rejuvenate an emotional bond between Ross and a character nobody gave a shit about. As the emotional crux of this two-parter, it renders the whole 45 minutes pointless, except for the fact it’s the last time we’ll ever have to see (and hear, I believe) about that damn monkey ever again. If anything, “The One After the Super Bowl” gave us that.
Other thoughts/observations:
- the one bright spot of the two episodes: Phoebe trying to bring her honest music to children, and failing miserably.
- at one point during their first fight, Monica pulls off Rachel’s sock and starts beating her with it. Pretty badass.
- Chandler’s response to Susie at dinner: “Because I went to an all-boys high school, and this is God’s way of making up for it?”
- Ross when he sees Joey looking down into a bathroom stall: “Joey, some people don’t like that.”
- Susie’s a make-up artist who says to herself at one point: “I hate actors.” That’s the extent of Friends and meta-humor (also appeared in the previous episode, when Rachel mentioned her sister should copy her hairdo).
- the writers make JCVD SUCH A SCUMBAG – he obviously didn’t give a shit about that, though.
- Phoebe: “What do they want me to be, some big… purple dinosaur or something? …… Who’s Barney?”
- Up next: Friends opens a time capsule in “The One with the Prom Video”.